Look Forward
by virgogirl32
Summary: What do you get when you take an angry Jack, a determined Kate and fights in the rain? Jate smutty goodness of course. Leaves off after Left Behind! :
1. Chapter 1

"Look Forward"

**Summary**: What if Kate had pressed Jack a little farther when they were breaking firewood? Spoilers up through "The Man From Tallahassee." In my world, none of this extra Skate nonsense exists.

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing. I only own the sick and twisted thoughts in my head. The sick and twisted use of Jate is the work of the writers only.

**Rating**: PG-13 for language (to be safe) but it will get smutty in Part III, so children beware.

**Dedication**: To Erica and Alex for needing some good Jex and all my other Jaters at the board.

**CHAPTER 1 **

"I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. I never…" Kate whispered. "I wanted to come back to help you. But you didn't need me to. And now because of me you can't go."

Sitting in the hallway, so close and yet so far apart, Kate realized that she never wanted to see that look on Jack's face ever again.

That look of utter disappointment, hurt, anger and God knows what else. He wasn't even really looking at her, but she could still sense it. His head was cradled in his hands, taking her apology in and digesting it.

It looked like it wasn't sitting well.

He was rubbing his head with his hand, looking off into the distance, making sure not to make eye contact. She started crying, unable to hold back the tears of regret at all the things that had happened and all the things she had done to get them to this place.

"I'm so sorry…" she whispered, trying to display how sincere she was about ruining his chances of getting off the island and inadvertently for sleeping with Sawyer. "I'm so sorry…" she said again, looking at him.

The acrid smell of the gas still lingered in the air, making it hard to breathe. She sobbed and put her hand to her mouth, desperately searching his face to get some kind of reaction. She felt stupid for thinking he was going to forgive her, pull her into his arms and tell her it was going to be OK, but she couldn't help it. This was Jack.

Her Jack would forgive her. He would be there for her and comfort her. He would hold her hands and tell her it would all work out. Then they would leave the Others' camp together and head back to their beach where they could go back to the beginning. Back to when she was his confidante and they went on hikes together. Back to the good old days of and guava seeds and sitting by the fire.

"They just left?" he asked, looking out the doorway. She nodded and then he asked, "Even… even Juliet?"

Kate looked at him, and even though she tried to prevent it, she felt her face drop. She felt so ridiculous for thinking that Jack wasn't going to be upset with her. That he could just erase the memory of her and Sawyer naked on the cage floor and act like everything was OK. She had ripped out his heart, stomped on it, and she expected him to be waiting for her with open arms.

"No they left her, too," she choked out. She was trying to hide the look on her face and try to act like she wasn't hurt, but she couldn't. She knew she didn't have any right to be upset about this situation, not after what she did, but it was hard not to feel sorry for herself.

"Why?" He whispered, looking down the hallway to the door. She could see his mind working out the whole situation. He couldn't figure out what the hell was going on and she could tell it was killing him.

"You know her better than I do," Kate replied, attempting to smile. She was trying to put on a strong face; trying to show Jack that she understood and accepted that things weren't the same between them. That what she did had irrevocably altered their relationship forever and they couldn't go back to how things were.

Jack rubbed his hand against his head and took a deep breath. She could tell he was confused, disoriented, and probably overwhelmed by the idea that he couldn't get off the island anymore and that it was all because of her. She wanted to cry at the situation they were in right now – it all seemed so surreal. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the white wainscoting.

"What now?" she inquired

Jack paused, letting the enormity of the question sink in. He sighed again and almost laughed.

"Now… now we go back."

She gave a small nod and looked around. 'Go back to what?' she wanted to ask. Instead she just looked around because looking at Jack right now was becoming way too hard.

He started to pull himself up from the wall and she instinctually got up to help him. When he was standing she put her arm around him and helped him in the only way she knew how right now.

As they walked down the hall, her weight holding his, she surveyed the damage to the house. Lamps, broken picture frames, a chair turned over. She was glad they were getting the hell out of this place but she was so unsure of the future she didn't know what to think.

She concentrated on the breeze from outside that was coming in through the open doorway, pushing the hair away from her face. She took a deep breath and as they got closer to the entrance, she could see Juliet standing a few feet away, Jack's backpack in hand.

The moment they stepped onto the stoop Jack broke away from Kate and with a renewed energy walked over to Juliet, concern etched into his face. The sudden chill at Kate's side from where his body was proved a constant reminder of what she had done, of how she had ruined this great thing they'd had.

Kate walked up behind him and waited as Sayid cautiously stepped out from behind the house. Juliet handed Jack his bag and he put it on, maintaining eye contact with Juliet at all times.

"You OK?" he asked, stepping closer.

"Yeah," Juliet nodded, "You?"

"Yeah," he nodded back. He looked around at the empty village and they both chuckled in disbelief.

Kate walked up behind them and waited, watching as Juliet gave Jack his backpack. She remembered the times she had put Jack's backpack on, way back in the beginning when they were first learning things about one another.

Sayid approached and acknowledged Jack, who replied back in an exchange that was laced with respect and a little cautiousness.

"I checked all the houses. Everyone's gone. No weapons, no trail. It's like fifty people disappeared into thin air," Sayid mentioned, looking around.

"We should take what we can find and head out while we've still got light." Jack answered.

He and Juliet started walking away when Sayid said, "She's not coming with us."

Jack turned around and with more certainty than Kate had seen from him in a long time he said "Yes, she is."

"Why?" Sayid asked as Kate looked between Jack, Sayid and Juliet, marking the exchange. She could tell that things definitely weren't going to be the same when they got back to the island. Jack was trusting Juliet and Sayid was not happy about it.

Jack looked between Kate and Sayid and then back and Kate and said, "Because they left her behind, too."

With that, he turned around and began walking away, Juliet at his side. Sayid looked conspicuously at Kate and they followed behind, maintaining a short distance.

----------------------------------------------------

After trekking through the vast landscapes of the island for what seemed like hours, the group of four crossed through a stream and decided to stop.

Sayid started removing his pack and said, "It's getting late. This is a good place to make camp." Everyone else removed their packs and placed them on the ground.

"I'll go get some firewood." Jack said.

"I'll go with you." Kate replied, almost a little too quickly. She could feel him staring at Juliet from behind her and he didn't take his eyes away until he turned and started walking out. Kate watched the exchange with an annoyed expression on her face and followed.

She had decided right after they left that she needed him to talk to her. She knew he would offer the silent treatment for as long as he needed but it was going to kill her. After Juliet said she broke his heart all Kate wanted to do was try and explain. She figured this time would be the perfect time, and she wasn't going to stop until she made him understand.

After they got to a small clearing Kate and Jack began collecting wood. The only sound between the two of them was the stomping and breaking of wood pieces. The energy between them was positively electric, and not necessarily in a good way.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she said, looking his way.

"Talk about what?" he asked, stomping on a branch. She noticed that he was completely fascinated by the task at hand and was having a really hard time looking at her.

"About the week. Being over there with them."

"Well, after you left I made a deal with them that if I took care of Ben they'd let me off the island. I just kept my head down, did what I was supposed to. I didn't ask any questions."

"That's it?" Kate asked, a confused smile marking her face.

Jack nodded his head, bending down to pick up more wood, "That's it" he replied coolly. He looked at her with blank, almost expressionless eyes. She barely recognized him anymore. Sure, he looked the same. Same shirt and jeans, same five o'clock shadow – but there was something missing. That spark that had always mesmerized her wasn't there anymore. She knew she felt something in the game room but there was nothing now.

He started to walk away when she smacked the wood out of his hands, the pieces crashing to the ground, the sound reverberating in the silence between them, echoing in the jungle air.

The look on his face went from utter astonishment, to anger and then to annoyance. He looked at her and then at the wood on the ground and he shook his head. He chuckled to himself and began to pick up the wood, maintaining his silence.

Kate watched all of this with a shocked and angry expression on her face. She couldn't believe this was happening, that he was acting like this. She watched him pick up the last remaining pieces of wood, the last remaining vestiges of her self control slipping away at a rapid pace.

He started to walk away and this time she wouldn't let him.

"Jack!"

He stopped mid-step but didn't turn around. His head fell to his chest as he waited for her next move. She could hear his breathing in and out, in and out and she inhaled to try and get her bearings. She thought she had a plan but realized right away that she hadn't thought this out.

All of the emotions of the past two weeks were completely consuming her mind, body and soul. Her head was pounding and she was starting to lose her vision with the power of it all. She thought it was going to be really easy but she was sorely mistaken.

"Please," she nearly choked out. She could feel tears beginning to sting her eyes. She'd become a master at controlling her emotions after all her years of running but the indifference he was radiating was breaking her resolve.

"Jack, please. I can't take this anymore."

Jack sighed and turned around, his expression cool and collected, his tone almost bored. "Can't take what anymore, Kate?"

"Your silence, Jack…" she started, "Can't we just talk about this?" She knew she sounded desperate but at this point she didn't care. Now that Juliet was going back to camp with them she didn't know if she would ever get this opportunity again.

She wasn't really sure if she was ready for this conversation but she wouldn't be able to live with him avoiding her and being silent. Anger and yelling she figured she could deal with but it was the silence that drove her crazy.

"Kate, I don't know what you're talking about," he replied. His tone was softer and she could tell that his hard shell was cracking.

"Yes, you do. Please, just talk to me," she pleaded quietly. She took a step forward but he took a step back. She stopped, her face darkening with sadness and hurt.

"How can I talk to you Kate," he began, "When everything I say goes in one ear and out the other?"

"Jack, I…"

"How can I talk to you, Kate, when you don't listen to anything I say? How do you expect me to tell you what I'm thinking or feeling when you simply don't care?"

His face was turning red and his breath was coming in gasps. She could see him gripping the firewood so tight that his knuckles were turning white.

She looked at him, completely shocked. "How can you say I don't care? I came back to help you! I was worried about you! I risked my life to save you!"

"I told you to stay away! I told you to take Sawyer and run. I told you to not come back. You didn't listen and now our chances of getting off this island are destroyed. It's your fault, Kate. And don't stand there and pretend you did all this for me. You did it to ease your own conscious, so why don't you drop the saint act."

She was getting increasingly angry as he continued talking. She didn't know if it was because he was telling the truth or because he supposedly knew her better than she knew him.

"Saint act? Are you kidding? I don't know what you're talking about. I thought you were in danger so I came back. I thought I was doing the right thing!" she put her hands in her pockets and stared him right in the eyes.

Jack just shook his head and spit out, "Fine, Kate. Just forget it, OK? If you want to keep up this charade then that's fine. I'm so sick of this crap you have no idea." His voice was scathing and angry and she didn't know if she'd ever heard his voice sound like that before.

He turned around again and began walking away, firewood clutched tightly under his arm. As mad as she was she didn't want him to leave.

"Wait!" she pleaded, "Jack, please, I'm…"

"No! Don't you dare say it, Kate. I don't want to hear you say you're sorry when you don't mean it," he countered, his voice low and threatening.

Kate reeled back as if she had been slapped. Her look of hurt and confusion forced Jack to look at his feet.

"How can you say that? How can you think I don't mean it?" she asked calmly.

"Because, Kate. You keep screwing up and you keep saying you're sorry. You do one thing and you say another. You say one thing and you do something completely different. I never know where I stand with you because you keep changing your mind! Excuse me if I don't believe you when you say you're sorry but you say it so damned often it's hard to know when you're being genuine."

Kate looked at him, her expression serious. She took a deep breath and suddenly realized that her nails were digging into her palms, almost breaking the skin.

"Well, I meant what I said in the hallway. I'm hurt that you'd think I didn't mean it."

Jack's expression did something she hadn't expected: it turned angry. He dropped the firewood on the ground and advanced on her in two quick strides. He grabbed her shoulders in a death grip and shook her until she looked at him.

"You don't get to talk to me about being hurt, Kate. Not after what you did."

She didn't want to lie to him again but her flight response was kicking in. After all the years of lying it was so hard to break out of it. She wanted nothing more than to be honest but she didn't know how to do that without hurting him. She laughed at herself in her mind because the simple fact was that no matter what she was going to hurt him.

"What do you want me to say, Jack? Do you want me to say I was wrong to go back to you? Fine! I was wrong. I was wrong, it's all my fault and you can hate me if you want to for that." She saw immediately that she had just made the situation a lot worse with her side-stepping of the true problem.

"I'm not talking about that and you know it. I want you to tell me the truth, dammit! I want you to stop lying to me and tell me the truth. For once in your god forsaken life Kate be honest! You at least owe me that after everything I've done for you!"

She could feel the tears starting to fall down her face. One by one they traced salty trails on her skin, pooling on her shirt. She looked into his dark eyes and finally saw it. She saw what Juliet was talking about. She thought she understood it, the depth of his emotions for her but she really didn't. She hiccupped and took a breath before saying, "Fine, Jack… if you want me to say it I'll say it."

He looked at her expectantly, not giving her an inch.

She took a deep breath and finally said, "I slept with Sawyer."

He released his death grip on her arms and backed away. She crumbled to the ground and put her hand over her face, deep and heavy sobs wracking her body. She looked at him through her fingers and she could almost see his heart breaking all over again.

He looked out into the forest and then down at her, tears threatening to fall. He cleared his throat and put his hands on his hips before desperately asking, "Why?"

"What?" she asked, alarmed at the idea that he was pushing the issue for details.

He walked over to her again but this time he was circling her like she was a test subject, his eyes glued to her, piercing and unforgiving.

"I want to know why," he repeated, "I want to know why you would sleep with Sawyer in broad daylight. Why you would lie with him, naked, in a bear cage. Why you weren't concerned with helping me but only concerned with yourself. I want to know why after doing it you're apologizing for it. You've made it very clear what your choice is, Kate, so take responsibility for it. For once in you fucking life, take responsibility for your actions!"

Kate, who had remained stock still while he circled her, angrily stood up to face him.

"You don't know anything about me or my life!" she yelled.

"That's the whole problem! Just answer the question, Kate!" he demanded.

"I didn't know what to do!" she burst out, her voice cracking with animosity, "I hadn't seen you in a week, they took my clothes, they were making us break rocks, they were about to kill Sawyer and I lost it! I had no plan, no resources and I had no control so I tried to gain it back. You had just told me you wouldn't help me so I was upset and Sawyer was there and I wasn't thinking. I don't know why I did it!"

Jack looked like he was either about to throw up or strangle someone. He was pacing back and forth, running his hand through his hair.

"You don't know why? Well if that isn't one for the ages. No, you know what, Kate? I'm tired of your excuses. Really, I am so tired of the lies, the sorry's and the excuses. You slept with Sawyer and you can't take it back. You could at least do me the courtesy of owning up to the real reason why you did it."

"I already told you I don't know why…" she replied, exhausted. He stepped in front of her and bent his head low, his voice falling to a whisper.

"I saw you and Sawyer on the monitors, Kate. That's why I offered to do the surgery. After I saw you lying naked with him, I couldn't stay here. I needed to do everything I could to get away from you, Sawyer, and this island. I was going back to get help but I was hoping getting away would help erase the picture I have of you and him from my mind. I've tried thinking about everything else. Baseball, surgical procedures and even Tom, but I can't get the picture of you and him out of my brain. It makes me sick and it's driving me crazy."

She was crying fully now. Great, terrible, body-wracking sobs were overtaking her, preventing her from breathing. Juliet told her that he had seen her and Sawyer and that it had broken his heart but hearing the words from him made it so much more real.

"Jack, please stop," she pleaded.

"You and him naked, sweaty and dirty. Post-coital." His tone was menacing as he stepped so close she could feel his heat through his shirt.

He dipped his head and whispered in her ear, "Was it good, Kate? It must have been so good that you couldn't wait to go somewhere safe. You did him in a cage out in the open where anyone could see, so I can only imagine how it was. I never would have considered you an exhibitionist, Kate. I never would have thought that you'd get off on the threat of someone seeing you. Does the idea that I saw you make you hot?"

"Jack, stop…" she pleaded again. She was trying to push him away but he was too strong for her. She was weak, upset and had given up and she couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"I never would have thought dirty cages were your thing, either, Kate…" he continued.

"Stop it, please!" she urged desperately.

He was breathing in her ear, his warm breath tantalizing and erotic. She had never seen Jack like this before, so intense and angry. She knew he was mad but she couldn't help but react to him being so close. They hadn't had this much contact and interaction since they got caught in Rousseau's net.

"Then again… I guess I don't know you like I thought I did," he finished, his tone now sad and upset.

"Jack, I…"

"Don't." he answered. He pulled away from her ear, dropped his hands and stepped away. He looked at her with a look of defeat and utter misery. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were red and puffy. She wanted to explain but she couldn't go on. She couldn't bear to have him looking at her like that anymore.

"Jack…"

"I'm serious Kate. Don't. I'm done with this." And with that he walked away, leaving her alone in the wide open space, branches strewn all about the jungle floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 **

**AN: So I said this would get smutty but I decided to hold it out a little longer… Think of it as foreplay. **

After they had gotten back from the Other's camp, Jack had avoided Kate like the plague. He had fallen back into the normal pre-Others routine, checking up on Aaron and Claire, helping with the food and water, joking with Hurley and talking with Sayid about new plans of attack and other "Others" developments.

And she watched it all from afar. She and Sun had started working on the garden again and Kate couldn't help but smile weekly at the guava seedlings that were breaking through the ground, struggling to grow. Sun watched her very carefully but never said a word; she was very intuitive and never pushed Kate for information, which she was so thankful for.

When Kate wasn't working with Sun she was helping in the kitchen or out scavenging the jungle for fruit. She always turned down offers of accompaniment in the hope that if she was by herself and happened to see Jack they could be alone and she could try to talk to him again. They hadn't spoken more than four sentences to one another since they'd come back nearly three weeks ago and it was driving her positively mad.

She had done everything to try and make the situation better. She had tried to be friendly to Juliet, she hadn't flirted or been romantic with Sawyer since they'd gotten back (much to his disappointment) and any time there was a trek she always offered. He gave her the same curt "We're all set, thank you" answer and would walk away without another word. Each time the other members of the team would cast a heartfelt look and walk off behind him, leaving her there alone by herself.

She had decided that this gray morning would be the perfect opportunity to discuss what had happened and to stick around no matter how hard the conversation got. She knew she would probably cry and scream but she needed this situation to change. She couldn't bear not being around Jack and she couldn't stand watching Juliet replacing her.

She had just finished her morning routine when she saw Jack walking into the jungle alone, backpack in hand. She looked around the camp to see if anyone was moving to go with him but everyone was preoccupied; Juliet was reading in her tent, Sayid was braiding vines and Hurley and Charlie were doing laundry.

He looked around at the camp, nodded slightly in approval to himself and walked into the jungle alone. She quickly stuffed a few things into her pack and began to walk through the camp, nodding hello and smiling at all she passed. She tried to maintain her composure as she strode through the tents, trying not to appear overly excited or suspicious. The look of determination on her face must have been pretty obvious because Sawyer stopped her before she could get very far.

"You going somewhere, Freckles?" he smirked, his eyes flashing.

"Just going for a walk, Sawyer. Did you need something?" she asked impatiently. She was looking off towards Jack's direction, avoiding Sawyer's eyes. After she had gotten back from rescuing Jack she had gone to Sawyer and told him that sleeping together was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. He hadn't gotten upset; he hadn't yelled or said anything. He just calmly took in the information, and nodded his head in acceptance when she was done.

She had to admit she was surprised by his reaction. It was true that he loved her and she wouldn't deny that she had feelings for him, but Sawyer reminded her too much of the past she was trying to forget. It was a lot easier to go to him, sure, but she couldn't keep using him as a substitute for what she really wanted and needed.

When she first came to the island it was a relief to finally find someone who truly understood and had been through a situation similar to hers. However, the similarity ended there and she didn't want to admit that she had been using him to get over Jack but they both knew that's what she had been doing. It wasn't fair to him and that's why she had ended it.

"Whoa! Easy there, G.I. Jane. Just wanted to know if you needed any help with whatever it is you're doing," he replied, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"I'm fine, Sawyer. Thank you anyway," she answered and side-stepped him to continue on her path. Jack had since completely disappeared into the jungle but she wasn't worried. He couldn't track or maneuver his way through the jungle worth a damn and she knew she could get to him pretty quickly once she found his trail. She was so focused on getting to him that she didn't see Sawyer glaring knowingly into the back of her skull.

-----------------------------------------

It had started out as a light mist that was cool against his face. Jack decided that this was the morning he was going to take some time to himself. After he had gotten back to camp he had been inadvertently reverted back to his role as the leader. While he had gotten used to not being in total control at the Other's camp it just seemed right to be in charge again.

Whether he was arguing for Juliet's case to Sayid, checking up on Aaron and Sun or hanging out with Hurley and Charlie he had been busy. He wouldn't openly admit it but he knew that a lot of that was to stay away from Kate. She had offered to come on a few hikes and he always told her they were fine without her. She would try and mask the hurt expression on her face and he would almost reconsider until the vision of her against the cages would come back and affirm his original answer.

The mist turned into a light drizzle as he walked through the forest, the dew on the leaves and the precipitation in the air wetting his clothes and hair. He took a deep breath and kept walking, not really caring where he was going. He looked around and marveled at the electricity and life of the forest; when it started to rain it was like the jungle came to alive and thrived and he loved being a part of it.

Kate had caught up with him a couple hundred feet back but she was pretty sure he hadn't seen or heard her. He wasn't really good at that kind of stuff, she had to admit. The only way he would know if someone was following him was if they called his name or hit him with something. He thought he knew what he was doing but he didn't and Kate thought it was endearing if not really risky.

She watched as he inhaled and exhaled deeply, looking around, smiling to himself. Her mouth turned upwards immediately, happy to see him looking so content. She almost regretted her decision to come out here. It was obvious he wanted some alone time and here she was coming to ruin his day with her issues. Again.

She had taken a small step behind a tree but had stepped on a branch, the small crack echoing loudly. She crouched down and saw him tense and stop in his tracks, his ears piqued and listening. He looked around, his hand moving to the gun at his back, but he couldn't see her so he shrugged and turned to walk away. He walked forward, his eyes concentrated on a spot a few feet in front of him.

She watched him closely for a few seconds and continued following, moving cautiously along the wet ground. The rain started falling a little harder now, muffling her steps on the leaves. She continued until she was about five feet behind him and reached her hand out to tap him on the shoulder when he stopped and turned around.

It all happened so fast she could barely register it in her mind. He grabbed his gun, cocked it and pointed it, aiming directly above the bridge of her nose. Her eyes and mouth fell open, her hands flew up in surrender and her breath caught in her throat. She stared cross-eyed down the barrel of the gun for what felt like an eternity, barely noticing Jack's reaction to the revelation that it was her following him.

He knew before she even approached him that it was her. It was like he could feel her presence all around him in the jungle, even when she wasn't in terribly close proximity. He couldn't exactly explain what it was (a glow? An aura?) but it was definitely there and it let him know that it was her and not an enemy. He knew pointing the gun wasn't the nicest thing in the world, but he wanted to try and show her once again that going off into the jungle alone could be a very dangerous endeavor.

He held the gun at her head, his arms tense. He watched her face contort in horror, her eyes pleading with him to put the gun down. He waited a few beats and then released the tension in his arms, dropping the gun by his side. He shook his head in disbelief, unlocked the gun and put it to rest against his back, the cold steel familiar and comforting.

"What are you doing here, Kate?" he asked, wiping rain away from his eyes.

She blinked furiously a few times, closed her mouth and brought her hands up to her heart. She took a few deep breaths and said, "You scared the hell out of me!"

"Yeah, well, maybe it'll finally teach you to not go off into the jungle following people by yourself. Figured since it didn't work the first few times it might have worked this time," he paused and chuckled to himself, "Guess it didn't."

She nodded sheepishly and dropped her hands to her sides. It was raining even harder now, fat droplets that had completely soaked all her clothes. He was standing there, waiting for a response and she was surprised that he wasn't walking away. She steeled her shoulders back, shook the water from her face and looked into his eyes.

"Listen, Jack. I know you said you were done with this but I need to talk to you. You don't know the whole story and I can't keep going on like this. I need you to know the truth about me and Sawyer."

At the mention of Sawyer's name she saw Jack dropped his head and she again almost wished she had stayed in today. He ran his hand through his wait hair, the droplets spraying everywhere.

"Kate," he said, "You really don't have to explain anything to me. You're with Sawyer. I get it. There's no need to drag this out any further. I'm really OK. Let's not make this a bigger deal than it is."

"No, Jack! This isn't OK and this is a big deal! We haven't really spoken since we've gotten back and it's driving me crazy. I hate being on that beach and not being able to talk to you."

The rain was torrential, drenching everything in its path. The sudden and "end-of-the-world" type weather a person could barely function in.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I guess I don't really have anything to say to you…"

He was desperately trying to be cold and unattached by the broken expression on her face at his last statement was quickly tearing down his walls. She was blinking furiously again, but he couldn't tell if it was because of tears or the rain.

"Listen, Kate… I guess I've just moved on. I thought that we had something great and then we were captured and then I saw you and everything just, well… it changed. I guess I was wrong about all of it. It's not you. It was me. I had it backwards," he moved a few steps until he was standing directly in front of her, the rain pouring off his face onto the ground, "So don't worry about it."

He began to walk past her but she grabbed his arm to stop him. She could hardly see what with her tears and the rain but she needed to look at him. She stepped closer and nearly yelled, "No, Jack. You didn't have it wrong. I had it wrong. I had it completely and utterly upside down and inside out. I've been losing sleep over this; I worry about you, I think about you all the time and it's absolutely killing me living like this."

Jack swung around again to face her, the anger coloring his cheeks slightly, "No offense, Kate, but you gave up the right to be worried when you slept with Sawyer. If you were so worried about me you never would have done it in the first place."

"That's not fair, Jack. How can you say that I'm not allowed to care? After all that we've been through how can I not care?"

"I don't know, Kate!" he yelled, advancing on her, "It would be amazing if you would tell me because I've been wondering the exact same thing! It only took you less than a week to forget nearly two and a half months of 'us.' It must not have meant that much."

"Stop saying that!" she screamed, pushing up to her tiptoes, "I already told you! I was scared and I was desperate and I was-"

"I really don't want to hear your excuses Kate," he looked around, contemplating his next move. He didn't know if he should finally tell her the truth but with how this was going, he didn't know if he had any other choice. If this was going to be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship the only thing he could do was lay it all out on the line. That way he could really move past this "thing" they had and get on with his life.

"I loved you but I guess you didn't love me. I could have sworn that you did and I could have sworn you would have realized my love for you after all that I've done but I guess it wasn't enough. Keeping your secret about being a fugitive, helping you get the key from the Marshall, staying behind to let you and Sawyer go… I thought it was obvious but I guess it wasn't good enough for you, Kate."

Throughout his speech she had been silent, letting the words sink in. She was getting more annoyed as the speech went on, finally working herself up into a frenzy. She knew then that she had to set the record straight. He thought that she didn't love him but he was so far from the truth. She walked up to him and grabbed both of his shoulders, pulling him down to look into her eyes, forcing him to maintain contact.

"No! Don't you dare Jack! I love you more than I have ever loved another human being and that scares the crap out of me! When I thought that I'd lost you, I lost myself and I didn't know what to do. I love you Jack, can't you see that? For the first time, I'm not running. I'm right here, laying it all out for you."

"But what about Sawyer?" he asked, almost pathetically.

"What about him, Jack? I made a mistake, not a choice. Haven't you ever made a mistake, Jack? You may think it was a choice but the fact is I was desperate and scared and I wasn't thinking clearly. I've regretted it since the moment it was over and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I know I've screwed everything up and I know you like Juliet and that this is over and you don't want me anymore but you needed to know."

She released him and turned away, putting her hand to her head. She felt like crumbling to the floor and screaming to the heavens. She was so frustrated and upset with herself she didn't know what to do. She had ruined something that was so amazing and wonderful and for what? For some snappy one-liners and sex in a polar bear cage.

She felt his body heat behind her and could tell that he was close.

"Did you mean what you said? About loving me?" he asked quietly.

She sighed, nodding her head, but she didn't turn around.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" he asked a little louder.

"The same reason you never said anything!" she responded. She turned around and saw him standing there, his chest heaving under his wet t-shirt. "I was scared! I've never felt like this before. I've loved men in my life but this is nothing I've ever imagined. It's so overwhelming I can hardly breathe when I think about it!"

"I never said anything because I thought you wanted Sawyer," he urged, "So I stepped aside. I did the noble thing. I thought you wanted him so I tried to push my feelings down and I tried to shut off my heart and I attempted to not care. But you know what, Kate? I'm tired of being that guy."

He stepped closer and put his hands on both sides of her face, pulling her close. He eyes closed automatically of their own volition, relishing the sensation of his warm hands and the cool rain on her skin. He moved so close to her there was barely an inch separating them, their heat radiating and mingling into one electric force.

"No other woman has made me feel like this," he whispered against her lips, "You infuriate me, you confuse me, you annoy me, and yet I can't stop thinking about you. I worry and wonder about you when you're not around and I dream about you at night. When something funny happens you're the first person I want to tell; when I need advice or I need to think something out you're the only one I want to go to. I can't function without you and it scares the hell out of me but you know what, Kate? I'm done with being scared. I'm done with stepping aside for another guy. I want you and I love you and I need you to be mine."

"Oh god, Jack," Kate whispered, and he leaned down and took her lips in a passionate kiss, their tongues mingling and dueling, slipping and sliding with the rain. She brought her hands up to his neck and held on, completely incapacitated by the sensations.

She had been completely overwhelmed by their first kiss but this was unlike anything she'd ever experienced in her life. She didn't know if she was going to be able to survive if things went any further…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

**A/N – So originally this was going to be a two parter but I reamed Kate a new asshole in the first one and I figured she needed more time to explain herself. Besides… foreplay makes the real thing better. ******

**WARNING! WARNING! This will get SMUTTY. There is no insinuation here so if you have virgin eyes please don't read. I won't be responsible for your corruption. **

The rain was falling so hard in the jungle around Jack and Kate they couldn't hear or sense anything but one another. All signs of life were missing and everything hung low and heavy with the weight of the water.

Jack held her head steady with his hands, preventing her from moving an inch. She whimpered into his mouth and webbed her hands together behind his neck, holding on for dear life. She felt her knees weakening as he deepened the kiss, his tongue delving deeper into her mouth.

Suddenly, as if something inside Jack snapped, he broke the kiss and pulled back from her, his eyes almost black with passion. He dropped his hands down to his sides, his whole body heaving with giant gasps, his muscles straining against the wet t-shirt.

Kate's hands were hanging in mid-air and when she opened her eyes, she could barely see straight. She could vaguely see Jack through her passionate haze and shook her head to clear her disorientated stupor. She tried to speak but when the fog lifted and she saw his eyes she almost passed out.

"Jack," she whispered her voice deep and husky. She almost didn't recognize it; she'd never heard her herself sound like this.

"Kate," Jack answered, his eyes penetrating deep into her soul, "I need you to know that if we do this, there's no going back. I can't be your second choice and I can't just be your friend or go-to guy. I love you and I want you more than I've wanted anything in my entire life but if you don't want this or us then I'll walk away right now. If we start I won't be able to stop because I'm already starting to lose it."

"Jack," she squeaked out. She was pretty sure she was quickly losing her mind. "I know it took me a while and more than a few stupid choices to get here but I love you too and I want this more than you could possibly imagine. I'm scared and I'm nervous and I don't know what's going to happen but I know that if we're together it will be OK. I know I can trust you to catch me if I fall and pick me up if I've fallen."

She could see the tension releasing from his body; his shoulders relaxed and his hands unclenched at his sides. The look that he gave her right before their first kiss so long ago suddenly reappeared and she was almost floored with the rising tide of emotions that were threatening to break out.

He sighed deeply and stepped closer, bringing his hands up to hold her face, this time more gently than the last. He pushed back the few loose strands of hair that always seemed to get stuck to her face and moved them behind her ears. A little grin creased her face and her eyes closed of their own volition, enjoying the feeling of his hands on her skin.

She felt him move in and she opened her mouth for a kiss but instead she felt his lips on her left eyelid, and then her right. She was so surprised and overwhelmed at this unexpected gesture that she almost cried. She brought her hands up to rest over his and pressed into them, hoping to convey just how much that little movement meant to her. He continued on, kissing her forehead and then her nose, his breath warm on her face.

"Look at me," he whispered.

She shook her head violently, rain droplets flying everywhere, afraid that opening her eyes would prove that this was all another dream. He moved again from her face to her ear, his breath tickling her, causing a stir deep in her belly.

"Kate. I need you to look at me," he whispered again.

She slowly opened her eyes, blinking furiously in the rain to focus on him and him alone.

"I'm here for you," he said, running his thumbs along her cheekbones, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise to catch you if you fall."

"Oh, Jack," she pleaded. She brought his head down to hers and kissed him, a slow, lingering kiss. It was light and tender but still so full of passion and love. He dropped one hand and rested it on her waist, his fingers grazing the strip of skin between her shirt and her jeans.

She brought both of her hands and wrapped them around his torso, pulling him closer. When their bodies met she felt his hardness for the first time, the feel of it spurring her on to turn the kiss a little more passionate. Her fingers clenched into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him in to her. She thrust her tongue into his mouth, probing deeply, savoring his taste.

Jack responded in kind, his tongue dueling with hers as if it knew exactly what to do and where to go. His right hand clenched her side a little tighter and his left hand went to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her wet hair, pushing her closer to his searching mouth.

Kate whimpered and kissed him harder, completely amazed that a kiss was creating this kind of reaction. She could feel herself getting wet with anticipation and she was pretty sure there was a furious blush creeping over every inch of her body.

Jack broke their contact despite Kate's protest and started tracing a trail of kisses across her chin and down her neck, across her collarbone and back up to her ear. He traced the outside with his tongue, his breath warm and erotic. He moved down and suckled on her earlobe for a few excruciating seconds before moving back to her neck.

He wasn't there very long before Kate grabbed his head and forced it back to her mouth. She felt him laugh against her lips at her intensity but she didn't care. She grabbed the hem of his soaking wet shirt and forcefully pulled it up, breaking their kiss and tossing it onto the ground.

She paused and slowly raked her eyes over him, taking her time to appreciate every detail: the broad shoulders and strong arms and hands that had held her and soothed her in the most trying times; the sturdy chest and abs that were like a wall that would never falter. She brought her hands up to his pecks, her nails scratching over his nipples and down across his taut stomach to the top of his jeans. She watched his smirk disappear entirely as she traveled lower and grazed her fingertips across the front of his jeans, reveling at the power she had over him.

She pressed into him a little harder, feeling the length of him, watching his eyes darken with lust. He looked into her eyes and nearly growled as he took her mouth for another kiss but this time, he was anything but gentle. He was forceful and he didn't hold back and Kate was completely thrilled and surprised. He probed her mouth over and over, his tongue demanding and relentless.

His hands roamed all over her back and came to rest on her behind, pulling her into him, thrusting lightly. He squeezed gently and then moved his hands to her waist, gliding his fingers along the top of her jeans. He grabbed her tank top and pulled her it over her head, forcing their lips apart once again.

He threw her shirt on the ground and before she could even think he put both hands under her thighs and lifted her up effortlessly, a gasp escaping her lips. This angle not only gave her a new perspective of his face but it also brought her into closer contact with his hardness. She clung to his shoulders and ground herself onto him, her feet digging into his backside.

He walked them over to a nearby tree and leaned her against it, thrusting into her. The rain was pouring down over their naked skin, their bodies gliding together; with each thrust, Kate nails dug harder into the skin of his shoulders, making angry little half-moons.

She bent her head down and took his earlobe in her mouth, the answering moan in her ear pleasing her immensely, fanning her desire. She treated it with her tongue before biting down on it, probably a little too hard. She couldn't see Jack's face but she was pretty sure his eyes rolled back in his head based on the guttural sound that came out of his throat.

She let go of his earlobe and smiled, blowing into his ear. He let go of one of her legs and brought his hand up to her head, pushing her back to look into her face. His hand cupped her cheek and she placed a kiss on his palm, watching his eyes. It had never been like this with anyone; she thought that she had loved and been loved but she didn't really get or understand the concept until Jack.

From the moment they met the connection was instantaneous and she could feel it pulsating in every nerve of their bodies at this very moment, linking them inexplicably forever. It was almost frighteningly real and powerful but she was ready to give in. She had tried to resist all this time but she realized now that the only way to survive was to just fall into it and accept it. As long as Jack was there with her she would be OK and she finally understood that.

This time they both moved in for a kiss, their lips twining and slipping in the rain as if they'd been doing this all their lives. He began that slow rocking rhythm from before and she could feel the pressure start to build once again. She fell into the motion with him, the movement hitting all the right spots. She put her hands above her head and grabbed onto some small vines that were creeping up the tree.

Jack brought his right hand up and ran it over both breasts, his fingertips lightly tracing little circles over every inch. His tongue licked a slow trail on the skin above her bra, as his hand cupped the soft mound of her breast. He pulled the fabric down and took her nipple into his mouth, making Kate gasp, her fingers clenching around the vines, her knuckles white.

He brought his hand hand around her back and unclasped her bra. Normally Kate would have made a snappy comment about doctor's dexterity but she was absolutely incapable of coherent thought at this very moment. His thrusts, his mouth and his hands were completely working her to a place she'd never been before.

Jack suddenly stopped moving and dropped Kate's legs down, his body weight propping her up against the tree. He kissed her, pressing his chest into hers, their naked bodies melding together, sliding with the water. As they kissed Kate brought her hands up to his chest and put her hands over his heart, pausing briefly. She continued south, her hands gliding through his chest hair and down his taught abdomen and stopped at his jeans.

She broke the kiss and watched his face as she brought her hands to the button of his jeans, gauging his reaction. She watched him swallow thickly, the rain running rivulets down his face, falling off his chin and onto her hands. She undid the button and slowly pulled down the zipper, the sound echoing in the jungle. She pulled the fabric away and looked down to concentrate. She could feel his breath on her face coming hard and fast and she could tell that this was driving him crazy.

She slid her hand down past his navel and into his boxers and wrapped her hand around his member. He was rock hard with lust for her and he was a lot bigger than any of his jeans ever let on. She ran her hand down his silky skin and she watched as his mouth fell open and his eyes closed shut. She ran her hand up and down, the rain pouring over both of them.

Jack brought both of his hands up on either side of Kate's head and touched his forehead to hers, his eyes still closed. She continued her movements, completely entranced by this man and the effect she was having on him. With each stroke she could feel her own passion building, his reaction to her heightening hers.

She moved her hand faster, adding a little more pressure, forcing Jack to suck in his breath through clenched teeth. She could see his muscles tensing and that he was desperately trying to maintain control over himself. He let her continue a little longer but finally brought his hand down to her arm to stop her, their heads still touching.

He leaned in for another kiss, bringing his hands to her face. Passion and loved flowed through their dueling mouths as his hands mimicked the path hers had taken only a few minutes before. His hands started at her neck and moved to rest over her heart, pausing there. Kate sighed into his mouth as he continued down and put both hands over her breasts, his hands molding to them as if they were made for him.

She moaned into his mouth and he continued down, slowly tracing each rib with his fingertips and then smoothed his hands over her belly to rest at the button of her jeans. He undid it and then unzipped her fly, his left hand circling her back, his right sliding down past her underwear and into her heat, his fingers exploring every inch.

She almost fell to the ground at the intensity of it but Jack caught her before she got too far. She could feel her insides turning into jelly and when he slipped one finger inside her she thought she would die. She clung to him for dear life, the rain pouring down, heightening all the sensations that were coursing through her body.

He looked directly into her eyes as he moved his pointer and index fingers in and out of her over and over; his palm came to rest on her clit, adding just enough pressure to make Kate whimper in ecstasy. She was so out of control but she couldn't tear her eyes away from his as much as she wanted to shut them with pleasure. Somehow Jack knew exactly what to do and knew exactly where to go and she could tell that it thrilled him to have this effect on her.

Her knees started to buckle and Jack stopped his movements to catch her, picking her up in his arms, her body resting against his chest. Jack looked around and walked over to a spot under a big tree that had a patch of moss and leaves. Before he put Kate down he gestured to the ground and she smiled, nodding her head. She took a deep breath and put both her legs on the ground, trying with all her might to stand steady.

Jack kept both of his hands around her torso to steady her and then went to work pulling off her wet jeans. He tried to be as gentle as possible but wet jeans on wet skin make for a tricky combination, so Kate helped him push the fabric down. When she was completely naked in front of him he couldn't help but step back and appreciate her beauty. Kate almost moved to cover herself but Jack kissed her instead, showing her instead of telling her just how beautiful she was.

While they kissed Kate tried to remove Jack's pants but his hands were everywhere, making her loser her concentration. They moved from her breasts to her stomach, around to her back, down past her butt and to the backs of her thighs. They traced her skin and come around to the front, moving to her center. Kate stepped back away from his hands and shook her head, smiling. If he kept doing that she was surely going to lose it.

He helped her remove his pants and now it was her turn to appreciate his form. Standing there, naked, wet and full of aroused tension Kate knew she had never seen anything so perfect in her entire life. Her eyes raked over all his body and she stepped forward, pulling him to her.

She backed up onto the mossy patch, her feet squishing on the fungus. Kate sat down on the moss, the sensations on her backside and thighs unlike anything she'd ever felt before. She laid back, rain pooling between her breasts and in her belly button. She looked up at Jack expectantly, but he didn't move right away.

"You are so beautiful, do you know that?" he asked, quietly. He was looking at her in a way that she had never experienced and it was a little overwhelming. He knelt down by her, his knees near her torso. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he continued, "And I can't believe that you're mine."

She was going to answer but for some reason, her throat had closed up. She just looked up at him, smiling, trying hard not to cry with joy. She opened her arms up to him and

he laid down next to her, his length running all along hers. His fingers slid all over her body but she couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed his hand and pulled him over her, his solid form protecting her from the rain. He leaned down to kiss her and settled between her thighs, his weight settling perfectly, her body cradling his.

He poised himself at her center and before moving another inch he broke the kiss and looked at her, waiting for the OK. Kate almost cried at his thoughtfulness; no guy she had been with was ever as considerate as he was and she was overwhelmed by it.

She nodded her approval and with that he slowly began to enter her, his member filling her and stretching her perfectly. He watched her face to gauge her reaction and when he didn't see anything but love and acceptance he pushed a little further until he was all the way in and he was pretty sure he was going to die.

"Oh my God, Kate," he whispered. His arms were resting under hers, propping himself up to look into her face.

"I know, Jack. I know," she whispered back.

He pulled out and thrust into her slowly, over and over, creating a smooth and lilting rhythm. The feel of her walls clenching all around him were enough to send him over the edge but he wanted this to last. He brought his mouth to her neck and nipped, licked and bit, wanting to drive her crazy.

Kate dragged her hands all over Jack's rain-slicked back and over his ass, urging him to go faster. She pulled her legs up and wrapped them around his back, her feet digging in.

The new angle pushed Jack even deeper and he moaned into her neck.

"Kate. If you don't stop that I'm going to lose it," he said, his head falling to her shoulder.

"That's the point, Jack. You're always trying to maintain control over everything, including yourself," Kate gasped as he thrust again, "I want you to let go, Jack. Just like you, I'm here to catch you if you fall." At that, it was like something inside him broke away, and he started thrusting into her faster with a little more intensity.

He wrapped his hands around her shoulders to anchor her in one place and pushed deeper, her moans and sighs spurring him on. Her walls clenched around him again and again and her hands were scratching angry red lines down his back. He was pretty sure he'd have claw marks later but he couldn't care less.

He leaned down to kiss her and she gave him her tongue, assuring him that she was OK. They moved together in a perfect rhythm and Kate could tell by the way he was shaking that he was trying to hold off his release.

She was climbing higher and higher and she didn't know how much longer it was going to take. This was more powerful than anything she'd experienced before so she didn't know how to judge it. She was pretty sure, though, that she might die from euphoria, if that was even possible.

The first ripples of her orgasm started small and then like the pond effect, got bigger and bigger, starting from her center and working its way out to all her limbs. Her fingers dug into Jack's back and her toes started to curl. She was gasping for breath and pleading to any God that would listen to help her, to save her, and then it hit and she was falling harder than ever before, ever nerve ending on fire.

The power of Kate's orgasm triggered Jack's final release and he growled at the force of it, clinging to her, the waves pulsing over and over again. He was pretty sure he blacked out at the force of and knew that he'd never felt anything like this before with any woman he may have been with.

Kate dropped her legs and brought her hands to rest on Jack's neck. He kissed her shoulder to let her know he was still alive and she couldn't help but chuckle. She put her hands on either side of his face and lifted his head up to look at her.

She kissed him, then, and with their chests connected she could feel his heart racing. She brought one of her hands and rested it over his heart and he did the same to her, the gesture making each person smile.

He moved out of her and lay back onto the moss, realizing the rain had tapered off to a light drizzle. Kate moved to his side and swung her leg over his, her head resting against his chest, his heart beating in her ear.

Jack sighed. "I don't know how I'm going to explain these scratches on my back to everyone, Kate. I can't very well say a boar attacked me, now can I?"

She chuckled to herself and then the tone turned serious. "I've never experienced anything like that, Jack. It was like you were a part of me or something. It was like for the first time in my life I felt complete and I never want to lose that."

"You don't have to worry about that," he answered, kissing her forehead, "Because I'm not going anywhere. I promise you that."

She smiled and laced her fingers into his and realized that she hoped she could stay like this with Jack forever.

FINIS


End file.
